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 Image
sheds light on Increased Storm Activity
A reported for the Fibber has uncovered a radar image that might
shed some light as to the increase in storm activities in recent
months. The mysterious patterns that are visible only from space
appear to be some sort of signage pointing straight at the heart
of Nova Scotia.
A number of possible explanations have been put forward by experts
such as Dr. Ziegler, professor of systematic theocracy at the Atlantic
School of Theology. According to Ziegler, the patterns could have
been made in secret in order to assist American pilots to find Halifax
airport. They could also be the remnants of the 1812 war, plotting
a possible American invasion route, although it seems unlikely since
the invaders would have had to have been quite tall.
A more likely scenario, however, is that Nova Scotians are being
punished directly by one god or another for voting in NDP candidates
on a regular basis. Ziegler argues that "if we keep on sending
heathen pinkos to Ottawa, we can't expect the gods to just sit back
and take it. Look what they did to Saskatchewan: they flatten the
bloody place. "
Mayor Kelly could not be reached for comment in his hot tub at
the Ottawa Hilton from where he is organizing the cleanup of the
city.
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 Security
Barrier to be constructed around Cape Breton
Ronald Russell, Nova Scotia's Minister of Public Works, announced
at a press conference that he will be following the recommendations
of the Sydney Tar Pond Agency and go with the seventh, and
most radical, option to contain the pollution in the area
. Dubbed the " West Bank East " plan, it would see
the whole island surrounded by a 10 meter (metric term for
heaps of inches) concrete fence, thereby ensuring that no
inhabitants or wildlife could spread the contamination to
the mainland.
The Minister admitted that the plan could be contentious
as it will severely limits mainland Nova Scotia's access to
the annual fiddle festivals and Meat Cove. It appears that
some cottage owners in Halifax have already begun to form
a committee which will look into the possibility of protesting
the wall's erection . The tentative meeting date is scheduled
for May 23rd, weather permitting. According to their spokesperson
, Mr Victor Syperek, the wall would be a real disappointment
for Haligonians who own summer houses in Cape Breton , for
as he puts it " after all, Ich bin ein Sommer Caper".
Russell, meanwhile, appears unmoved by the looming protest
and vows to continue with creating the planning commission
that will examine the feasibility of setting up a task force
charged with looking into the wall project.
" In the end , it is the only way to ensure that the
tar ponds will no longer pose any significant danger to the
public. It will be a great benefit to all Nova Scotians especially
as its construction will also ensure that Rita MacNeil will
rot in her f*#@#*^# teahouse.
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Bishop
of Halifax Caught in Curfew Crackdown
