Linguistic Studies: Can I have Some Chips With That?

A controversy has erupted in Religious study circles about the word "Houris" as found in the Koran . In light of recent news that suicide bombers expect 70 virgins upon their death, world renown religious scholar Dr. Evelyn Allthings, re-examined the relevant passage and came to the conclusion that the term actually translates as "sturgeons". "This makes eminent sense" according to Allthings, " since everyone enjoys a bit of fish now and then, don't they?" . The professor also maintains that suicide bombers should not be too discouraged, since " with a bit of luck , the fish in question might well be virgins to boot.".

Allthings assertions have numerous detractors, among them Professor of Explosives , Dr. Nobel , who argues that the fish theory must be discounted since it is well known that sturgeons actually go to "Fish paradise" when they wind up as soup. Upon further questioning he did admit, however, that the Koran does not specify the gender of the virgins in questions , meaning that prospective martyrs might face " 70 middle aged computer programmers or 70 former Popes for that matter, although it might be tough to find any virgins amongst the latter".

As it stands, further research is being conducted to determine the context of the "Houris", thus establishing tighter syntactic parameters upon which to judge the fate of thousands of recent human cannonballs. Given that the definite authority in the field, Dr. Wish-I'werehere was blown up in Istanbul last month while shopping with his daughter, the controversy will linger for a while longer.
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Microsoft Code Revealed

Microsoft has admitted that chunks of its Windows 2000 and Windows NT code can now be found on the net. The Fibber assumes that not all of its readership can actually find the code, since it is well hidden in the web's underbelly, where only bleached faced hackers lurk in the wee hours of the morning ( or 8pm , depending on the time zone in which you reside) . We have therefore decided to publish parts of the misplaced data so that our readers can see for themselves what all the fuss is about. Please be aware that the code is written in C and C++, a language only slightly less complicated than the one used on your simplified tax form.

main () {
/* We are really going to annoy customers with this one.*/
if keypress = f1 then
fprint " Error number [ call class(randomnumber] . Press CTRL+ Alt + DEL to restart your computer"
FOR x=1 to 99
IF keypress = ctrl+alt+del THEN
screencolour=blue AND noise=beep
NEXT
ELSE CALL CLASS (freezeComputer)
/* hey guys…this should really piss them off. BTW I met a real woman last night*/