In the wake of Paul O'Neill's controversial account of the first two years of the Bush administration, the fibber has obtained a tape of a conversation which will provide a further insight into the American presidency. The recording which details a meeting that took place last week in the oval office between President Bush and Vice-president Cheney appears to confirm O'Neill's assertion that the president does not enjoy the full confidence of his staff. What follows is the full, uncensored transcript of the conversation :

[noise door opening]
Bush: " Hey!! It's the big Dick!!!"
Cheney: " Hey George"
Bush: " Dick : about that second round of tax [interrupted]"
Cheney: "Shut up George!"
Bush: " But , the taxes [interrupted]"
Cheney: " Shut the fuck up George!!!"
[ noise door opening and closing, followed by the sound of somebody switching on the television. ]
-- End of transcript --

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(UPS) Miami police reported that they have arrested Mrs Bertha Fielding under the new US Anti-Spam law in the early hours of the morning. Mrs Fielding 's computer was confiscated along with collection of gnomes. According to Sergeant Berliner of the Orange county detachment, the latter was done for reasons of aesthetics and had nothing to do with the actual bust.

Since going on-line with the help of her nephew Wooster three years ago, Ms Fielding is purported to have sent out 250 000 forwards of jokes that were not especially funny, 63 000 forwards for petitions including one for the establishment of

a national soccer team at the Vatican, 125 000 e-cards, 25 000 pictures of her unattractive nephews and nieces, and 16 000 messages that contained nude pictures of Winston Churchill.

Fielding denied that she was a spammer or that she had anything to do with the Mydoom virus , although she admitted that she once passed on her cold to her cousin Manfred down the street from her.