Sir John A. Macdonald To Run For Conservative Leadership

(AP)In order to further invigorate the race for permanent second banana , the newly formed conservative Party has asked former member of parliament, Sir John A Macdonald, to have another go at it. Aliance insiders were quoted as saying that" if the f***** NDP can resurect the dead, so can we".

Leadership hopefulls Harper, Sexy Stronach and the other guy have so far declined to comment. Meanwhile, the Liberals have announced that they see no need to follow the Lazarus trend, given that their current leader is already doing a fantastic impression of a stiff .

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OPP To Reveal New Dress Uniform

(L.I.E) Ontario's finest recently announced a change in uniform for its officers . Calling it an "courageous act of transparency", spokesperson Seargeant Streicher added that in future, citizens of Ontario will easily be able to identify potential racist attackers . "We feel that it was nessecary to change the uniform so that minority members in our communities can easily spot and avoid any potential danger", Streicher went on to add.

Further policy changes were announced at the same time . Starting April first, 2004, female police officers will have to grow mustaches. Furthermore, frontal labotomies for all active duty officers will no longer be optional. Streicher would not go into the reasons behind these last two changes, but asurred reporters that an explanation will be forthcoming as soon as the teleprompter is fixed.

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