(M.A.N.U) Linguists at the University of Sydney Mines have discovered, that in any given lifetime a human being utters only one or two sentences of any importance . According to a paper published by Dr. Keller and her associates in this month's issue of Silence: Journal for Anthropological Linguistic Theory and Muffin Recipes the average research subject's verbal output was utterly irrelevant 99.9999976 percent of the time. Educational background did not cause any significant factor, as relevant conversation resolves around practical situations. According to Keller's study, people benefited more from a single word sentence such as "fire" than hearing Descartes "cognito ergo sum" over and over again: "in essence, it really does not matter whether you spend your day reciting Byron or yodel: the benefit to humanity is the same".

In his study, Keller goes on to argue that although speech evolved as an essential survival mechanism , "it is now used to an absurd excess. Just attend any English literature lecture, and you will see what I mean". He goes on to state that "humans could easily communicate anything of importance with grunts and groans . The Fox television network has already shown this to great effect". When asked what his findings mean, Keller fell silent. Latest reports have it, that he has not said a word since .

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