The Trouble with Martin

Let there be no mistake: man is not born to stimulate sandwiches, nor is he born in Saskatoon, unless he could not help it.

Paul Martin, on the other hand, was not born in Saskatoon, but that is neither here nor there. But was he born to lead the Liberal Party? For an answer to this let us turn to the polls.

According to Leger und Leger , 23 percent of Torontonians claim that they have never danced polka on a Sabbath while 46 percent prefer to spit in their manager's coffee cup rather than bathe with a naked Tibetan separatist.

This, then, is where Martin's troubles begin: separatists. They are everywhere and nowhere, especially in the spring. Some have migrated east to join the ETA, but that's Spain's problem now.

The fact of the matter is that separatists don't fly on Sea King helicopters, yet Canada's military budget is too small to allow for a southward expansion, thus denying Canada its Lebensraum , a space that could be used to relocate NDP supporters and Fiddlers.

Without that opportunity, the NDP will split the left leaning voter and contribute to a minority government in which the liberals will have to be proactive in reacting to threats from the right. Paul Martin, being white, male and ha(e)ired, is used to being in a majority situation and will, thus, not be able to react adequately to the new political landscape. For the Liberals, it spells trouble with a capital 'C'.